2nd trip to the doc

Today was my 2nd follow up appointment with Dr Goh. I was nervous to receive what news she had for me. Had my usual blood test and this time, I suddenly felt the pain. Maybe after being inserted with needles for numerous times at the same place at least once a week, my mental strength depleted. I wanted to cry as suddenly I felt so weak...so vulnerable.

Went to see Dr Goh. She said that my molar pregnancy is a complete mole. That means the tissue that was meant to develop into placenta has developed massively into something like a tumour. There was no fetal development. She added that it may not be cancerous. I was delighted for a while.

Then she killed my joy by saying that however in the future, this thing may come back and be cancerous and that is when I should get treatment. So now, my blood has to be taken every week until it reaches 0. After that it will be once a month.

I told her I was still bleeding and sometimes I may have abdominal pain. She gave me 2 antibiotics and hormone pills which after 21 days will coz my menses to be regulated back.

Just now, what the doctor said finally sank in. The word CANCER kept lingering in my head. It has always been associated with PROLONGED MISERY or DEATH. Somehow, that scares me. Yes, this disease is a type of curable cancer. But when hearing that it may come back again to haunt me...made me so vulnerable and I was sad.

I should be grateful that now I am getting well as the doctor said that my bHCG is going down but I don't know why fear is instilled in me.

Ya Allah, if all these tests you give upon me can get me a place in your Heaven, I willingly accept all of them and I will turn to you for guidance and strength. I know I am just your humble servant who doesn't deserve a place in your Heaven but I sure cannot endure the pain of the tortures in Hell. Please give me strength and guide me along this path to righteousness. Amin.