Sleep Loss

1 month of sleep deprivation...Insyirah loves waking up right after the clock strike 12 midnight, a habit she has developed since in my tummy. I dun mind that but her crying always make me feel nervous. She would cry continuously despite giving milk, carrying her, changing diaper etc. Usually she would only sleep at about 4 or 5am. Hubby had 2 days of MC once school started because he couldnt adapt well.

Lately she wakes up less...but her crying continues. She now also cries in the day. Yesterday was the worst. She cried until she almost turned blue. Everybody in the house tried coaxing her but to no avail. Guess its my fault for bringing her out n returning back home late at night. Luckily mum was around so she managed to coax her till she quietened down. Me and Insyirah slept over mum's place.

It really breaks my heart to see her cry for a long period of time each time. It made me so nervous that now I am even scared to breastfeed her as she always cry wen I do. I hope her crying will lessened. I dun mind the usual ones but I so dun want Insyirah to be wailing like how she did yesternite.

Insyirah...hope u r doing better. Mummy always feel at loss wen u cry as mummy dunno wat u want. Sometimes mummy feels like a failure too. But mummy will persevere as u are the best thing that happens in mummy's life.

And yesternite...I got 4 hours straight sleep......hope this can happen more often.

Busy busy mummy

it's been a while since I on my laptop and surf the net....sumthing i always do every single day without fail. Taking care of lil Insyirah has been a handful and I am enjoying every minute of it. I even sacrifice my late night TV shows like CSI and BONES for her...dats sumthing big for a person who seldom miss those shows. I wonder why some people can not enjoy every second looking at a beautiful being like her....for example....keep surfing the net instead of looking at her....playing game...instead of touching n kissing her. ESCAPISM? I wonder why anyone would want to do other things as form of escapism rather than cuddling my lil Insyirah. I bet all of u know what i am getting at already.

Yes...I feel frustrated and ALONE! Imagine...still in confinement but doing stuff like normal. Now with an extra person...before going out must think of preparing stuff for Insyirah...at home..must think of ensuring cleanliness so that lil Insyirah wun get allergies or germs or bacteria...must keep check up on her to make sure all her needs are met. Change her...feed her..bathe her etc etc. At night...soothe her as she likes to wake up at night and cry and cry and cry. Sumtimes breastfeeding her aint enuff and she kept wanting more so I have to stay awake for hours...

It can be stressful but I enjoyed being a mummy...though...support, love, care and attention will help A LOT!! Initiative....also matters. It's really frustrating wen u keep telling people wat to do...and worse...they hate to be told wat to do...so INITIATIVE really matters.

Hah..at least I manage to release my frustration. At least with this medium...I wun be pushed to depression. I read that if I have severe PMS..I am prone to postnatal blues...so I am really wary of this. But I know my family is there to support me..so at least I know who to turn to when I am blue.