The beginning of the end......

Today was my Teacher's Investiture. It was held at NTU Auditorium. We had to be there by 9am. My uncle sent me, my parents and grandma there as Bukit Panjang has taxi problems in the morning. Thanks a lot uncle!

Upon reaching there, the sky darkened. Oh no! It was going to rain. Luckily it was not being held at NTU MLT. Ordered the stage photo and proceeded inside to wait for my other BB frenz. Took pics a little before going in to the Auditorium.

We were separated :(

The whole ceremony was really boring. No fun at all. Couldn't talk to anyone so I smsed some people so that I wouldn't be bored so much.

Then it was my turn....yay! Finally! My name was being pronounced correctly!! HOORAY!!

After that we went to the reception. YUMMYLICIOUS FOOD!! The Eclairs were heavenly. Had 5 or 6 of them....hehehehe. As usual...I am a glutton.

Took some photos but couldn't get to take with Lat, Ihah and Tut. They went home early...hmmmm....Wanted to take photo with Mr. Tharman Shamugaratnam but then....there were just too many people....so we passed. Took photo with the Director of NIE though. He's cute...heheheh.

Hanim lost her Digicam while trying to squeeze her way thru to take photo with Mr. Tharman. :(

Went back quite fast...so sad. Couldn't take grp photos. Not as exciting as my NUS graduation. I almost lost my handphone as I left it on the stairs of the Auditorium. Luckily I checked.

Went back with Hanim coz her parents went back home 1st. Took a cab back home.

Then I went to school to get my students homework so that I can mark at home. Saw some of my students on the way. Talked to them for a while.

Did a little something in school before I got super sleepy so I got back home and slept for a while before Andy came.

Had dinner with my sis and her hubby at Sakura. Then went back home.

I think today...I was quite relieved that everything is over finally...the struggles and all while I was a student. However....I quite miss the fun of it all. VERY MUCH ACTUALLY!!

Now...it is the beginning of the end of my life as a student....now...I have to give back to the society. It's the beginning of my life as a contributor....moulding the nation.....

Shitty....and in pain!!

Urgh...woke up today with cramps!! What luck!! I just hate this so much! The emotional ups and downs...the cramps...the feeling of loneliness...the sadness....everything in one. Sometimes I just feel that I should just die so that this pain will stop. It's even more painful wen people just refuse to understand what I am going thru. Maybe outside I am ok...but inside...I am just dying I guess.

To all those who dun suffer as much as I do...or dun even suffer it at all.....stop judging me!! U dunno the shit I am going thru!

GUYS especially...such insensitive bunch of idiots! I hate opening up my heart to them...coz they only know how to break it...how to tear it into pieces...and it hurts. A LOT!! But as usual...I suffer in silence. No one knows what is in my heart. I guess women are like that. Likes to keep it all inside and suffer in silence. Only God knows.

It's better alone rather than being with someone but then he's not there. At least I know there'll be no one there for me. Rather than knowing someone is there but he just dun care.

Liars! Hate them! Dun wan me to come claiming that his brother may come at night...but actually the reason is because of his cuzzin. It's so damn obvious that I am only needed when he's alone. Never change...will never. The promise to stop doing it again was also a lie. Full of lies!!

I dunno why I am crying while I am typing this...I guess because I am so hurt. I can literally feel my heart breaking. I guess the only way to stop hurting is to stop loving. Maybe I should do that. Can't take this pain anymore...and there's no one to take it away too.

Been hurt by so many of them!! They let me into their lives...make me love them with all my heart.....and then hurt me...abandon me...break my heart. Why am I so gullible? Is it because of me always having that perfect thought about love. I guess so.

It's so hard now...I finally wanted to open up my heart....and it was hurt again. I guess if I can see my heart now...it'll all be full of scars. Unable to heal...coz it kept bleeding. And it will just die...a slow...painful one.

Emotional Turmoil

Hate PMS!! Making me have an emotional turmoil. One minute I am happy another minute I am sad or angry....so irritating.

Just now I was pissed at Redha and Azriana....and I know I was nasty...but then I was ok afterwards.

Den now I am feeling shitty...coz I am feeling that Andy only wans me around only wen he needs me. It's like..yesterday...he wants me to be there for him wen his dad had suffered a heart attack. Then today I offered to go to the hospital with him to accompany him...he didn't want! No wonder lah....his cuzzin Fiza is now there to accompany him. It's so irritating. Wen he needs me then he wants me to be there. Urgh!

Well........right now..........I need someone....coz I am feeling so emotional right now. I just want to cry.....I suddenly feel so down.......lonely.........and want someone to be here with me..........but I guess that wun happen...........

A sad but happy ending...

At night....Andy called me. He told me that his dad, whom he had lost touch with for years, was in hospital ICU coz he suffered from a heart attack. I was shocked and worried. It was because lately he had been thinking of his dad so much. He misses him I know that. I am proud of Andy for his ability to forgive his dad for whateva that had happened to their family years ago. The parents got divorced many years back. His mun and bro are still bitter about it though. I guess after years of being "poisoned" his brother couldn't forgive his dad.

So there I was accompanying him to the hospital coz I know he needed me to be there for him. We met his relatives who were shocked to see him...I guess their perception of him was not good too. Then finally he met his dad. It was such a touching scene. A son...finally meeting his long lost dad. I wanted to cry but I prevented myself (I had a super hard time!!). His stepmum was there too. She wanted to leave but Andy asked her to stay. ANother touching scene which made me cry a little.

Although it's sad that his dad had suffered a heart attack and had to go thru a bypass...I think something good has turn out from it. 1st...he finally met his dad after such a long time of missing him. 2nd...we finally knew that his current wife is taking very good care of him and loves him very much. I was happy too to see that. I really feel that wateva happened in the past should let it to rest now...esp now that his dad is like that. Sigh....I dunno.

But overall...I am glad that Andy finally get to meet his dad. I am so happy for him and am glad that I was there for him. Andy...u be strong ok...I know things will turn out for the better. His dad seemed to be getting better....may he get well soon so that they can spend more time together.

Karaoke Session for my BBD!!

Hooray!! Burger Bundle Day today!! We went for a karaoke session today at Cash Studio, Apollo Centre. Initially, we were very uneasy about going to this place...we were worried that it'll be a typical, sleazy karaoke place. But then it wasn't. It was quite ok though...there were many songs. I couldn't believe it that there are many Malay songs also (the place is in Chinatown).

We really had a great time singing and laughing our heads off. Oh ya! I got my birthday present from them. A red bag from a brand that I like a lot!! Thanks yah gerls!

Before the singing session, we actually ate at Banquet at Chinatown. First time there. Taking the NEL was another first time for me. Hahahaha....so 3 first times today.

After the whole thingy, I was sooooo tired. Went back home...went online for awhile and slept.

Looking forward for more karaoke sessions with ya people.

P.S: Those interested, it's at Cash STudio. Apollo Centre, level 2. $35 for 4 people for 3 hours. Extra people $5 each. Very cheap!!!

Azlina's wedding

Held at NUS Kent Ridge Guild House. Alhamdulillah...everything went well. Food was nice. Had fun chatting with my frens. Beautiful bride....all dress in white. Cake cutting ceremony was very nice too...imagine cutting a cake with an axe!!

Selamat Pengantin Baru Azlina & Shamsul.

Community Drumming Festival & Gentarasa

Went over to ITE Simei for awhile to pass my videocam to Mislimah to videotape the whole Community Drumming Performance. After that, went to Kallang Theater to watch Gentarasa. This year's Gentarasa was superb!! After it has been taken over back by Abang Osman. The dance items were really really good...especially the Zapin.



After the whole thingy, went to have dinner at Zeenath then sheesha-ing at Al Majlis. Went back home at 5am in the morning. Phew! WHat a day!

Update

Last SUnday had my haircut...my hairstylist just got back home so Andy's hairstylist cut may hair instead. Thanks Thomas. Though it'll be difficult to manage my hair now coz it's shorter and the it's more thinly layered.

Monday...went out for dinner with Andy at Banquet, Greendridge.

Tuesday...went Causeway Point with Andy to look for his camping stuff before he heads on to Pulau Ubin for his NPCC Camp. We then had dinner at Lau Pa Sat. So sweet of him...coz I was craving for the Honey Lemon Chicken. Thanks!! After that went back home.

Today...on duty for Malay Community Drumming sectional practice at ITE Simei. Zhenghua Sec is one of the school that is participating in this event. After the whole practice thingy, they will be performing together with other schools on the 18th June 2005.....it's a mass performance!! Those who wanna come will also be given a percussion instrument to join along. WHo knows we'll be in the Guiness World Record..hehehe. Hoping to achieve that.



SO those interested, it'll be held on the 18th June at ITE SIMEI...near Singapore Expo. Tickets selling at $10 only. Dunno yet where to purchase...but this event is organised by People's Association.

ANNA SUI!!

Finally....I bought my long-awaited Anna Sui Secret Wish Perfume. And guess wat...I bought a second perfume. The smell is sooooooo damn nice that I couldn't resist it. Escada Rockin' Rio was the second perfume I bought. Argh! Can't help it.

Went around town a while before I got extremely tired...my feet were killing me! Den went to eat at the usual place.

So happy today.........got wat I've been wanting.

Sentosa

Went down to Sentosa, Tanjung Beach today. Met Isky, Jaz n Man..ma rugby mates there. Den Mel and HUda came later. Never been in the water for that long....more than 1 hour!!

It was really fun as there were not many people there. Just some kids skimming n stuff.



It drizzled later and so we went back. Furthermore, Isky needed to go to werk at 9. Had dinner at Far East Plaza, Cahaya. Had Laksa Chicken for dinner (sorry Hisham...I needed a fatty, oily, hearty meal). Soon after, Rashid n his gf (Lina i think) came to join us. Isky and Huda left early.

Didn't join them to eat at Swensens. Had to catch LOST on Channel 5.

It was quite a good show. 2 hour special....and I couldn't get enough of it. There's so many mysterious stuff happening. Can't wait for next week.

It's 1 am now.....couldn't sleep coz I just had my shower. Maybe watch some TV till I fall asleep...night2

WErking out

Yesterday I went to the gym....after such a looooooooonggg time. Went to CCK gym wif a fren of mine. He was the one who persuaded me to go...hehehe. It was a culture shock for me at 1st. And then....I was feeling so lazy after years of being a glutton. I tried cycling 1st den jogging on this machine...after tt do squats ( hate doing it) den do some weights. It was orite. Would do it again some other time. Thanks Hisham for helping out.

Today...I went East Coast with Andy. Wanted to go swimming at my aunt's place but my mum lazy. So called him and ask him if he wanna go East COast. And so we went. Me went swimming while he photo taking. After that we had dinner at this Kebab shop.....SUPER DELICIOUS!! TASTY!! I give a rating 5 out of 5. Try it!!



Den now I am at home updating my blog while Andy is taking a 'short'nap in the living room. Will need to wake him up.....chow!

DUnno wat to call this entry.

I am writing this to find an avenue to release my deep down feelings. On my birthday, he made an effort to rekindle old moments by having a picnic at Marina South. It was great and sweet of course. I told him that I will be giving him another chance in this relationship but then he needs to be patient with me coz it's really hard to spark off the love back when it's not there anymore.

People may say that hey...if u dun have feelings for him anymore then why stay together. I dunno why. Maybe it's because he seemed so sincere and stuff. And the fact that we r already engaged so this involved FAMILY. ANd i dun wanna bring shame to my parents.

I guess I believe in finding the one true love and marrying tt person so much that it has clouded me with STUPID UNREALISTIC FANTASIES. I dreamed of finding a man that I truly, madly and deeply in luv with and marry tt person and live happyly ever after. But I guess this doesn't exist huh.

I still dun feel the same way as he feels about me. As a matter of fact, I dunno whether I could bring myself to love him as much as he does. I am so sorry. For betraying ur luv. I dunno why I am like this. I guess....I've been disappointed in love so many times that I am scared to let myself in anymore. Furhermore, U have greatly disappointed me before...it hurts so much that it managed to banish my deep feelings for u.

Like many people say, it's better to marry the man who loves u than marry the man u love. Maybe that's why I decided to give him another chance. But then....deep inside my heart, I still yearn for the person I love...whom I dunno who.

25 oredi!

My birthday celebration was alright. At noon, my dearie students came by ma place and sang me a birthday song!! SO SWEET!!

Den went out for picnic with Andy...was sceptical at 1st...dunno whether I will enjoy it but I did. Thanks Andy.

This year's bdae different coz I got ma students wishing me. Very sweet of dem.

Went back and ma sister gave me a cat mug and ma fren Lin gave me a cat HP holder. Yay! More additions to my cat collection!!!

Thanks ya all for making my bufdae a memorable one!!

My Birthday today!!!

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeee!!

Hehehehe. Yesterday went to school....then me n Redha met Azriana at Lot 1 to watch MONSTER-IN-LAW. It was quite an entertaining movie.

After we had our meal at the usual SIAM KITCHEN, we went Geylang. Azriana had to meet her friend. Then we went window shopping around there. Very broke so couldn't buy stuff :( BUT I did buy a top coz it was so nice. *GUILTY*

After Redha went off, me and Azriana sat down to talk. It was really a good talk. We talked about relationships n stuff....wat have been troubling us these past few months. Me and Az are having quite the same problem...in her case....it's quite settled already. For my case...I am still in the uncertain zone.

I guess it's me. I just couldn't agree to one condition that has been set upon me. It's difficult. I dun think I can ever do it. But no choice is given. Sigh...I dunno how.

Right now.....I tot of giving it another shot. He is so persistent and so sincere in making it werk. Maybe I should just go ahead and see how fate will take me. I dunno. There's a lot of Maybe-s and What If-s in my head. Let's just wait and see.