Now den its clear

In the morning went to Larkin with Izoned. Send my wedding dress. Finally. Will be ready end of November. Yupz....THE DAY is near!! K enuff abt dat.

Reached Singapore very very tired coz Izoned lost his way. Instead of going back to Singapore...we almost went to KL...hahahahaha. He and his bad sense of direction...ALWAYS!! It was scorching hot there and I think I burnt my right foot.

Break fast at Banquet with my family. Saw some of my students. Saw Faezul...I dunno why but since the day I knew his father's name...something disturbed me. When I saw his dad at during the Parents-meeting session, he just seemed so familiar. Then today, I saw him again. Then I told Izoned that Faezul's dad looked so much like my Ex. Den suddenly...it all clicked.

Faezul Hakim...Hakim...Hakim...Ahmad Suyuti....arghhhhhhhhh!!! Faezul Hakim is Ahmad Suyuti's son. Ahmad Suyuti is my Ex elder brother!!!! Ok...this is the Hakim that I talked to when he was little. I would love to listen to his cute voice and baby talk with him. Hahahaha. I mean...all this while. I didnt even realise that my own student is the boy that I talked to when he was little. I think today I manage to join all the pieces of the puzzle. Hahahaha

Ok...dats enuff too coz I MAY get sumone jealous...hehehe. Sorry dear. (he's now sleeping on my couch)

1st letter.....

Went back home early today. Didnt have much activity in school. I was busy trying to finalise the tshirt design coz today had to meet the vendor. Still need to refine the design at the back of the tshirt.

Checked my mail just now. Got a letter from HDB!!! So excited!! It was a letter to inform our 1st appointment date. Can't believe it.....we have a house already. And yesterday, we even bought our bed and dining set already!!! Hahahahahah......i really cant believe it.

Still got many things to purchase but we are priotising the things we need 1st. Fridge!! Dats important!! Or else I'll go hungry.

I am like so excited!! Can't wait to move in and do up our house!!!

A trip to the Malay Heritage Centre

Today, Mis, Nuraini and I brought our Sec 1s Malay students to the Malay Heritage Centre. There were 110 students altogether. And I had to take care of the Sec 1Ns and 1Ts. :'(

It was my 1st trip there so I was also looking forward to going there. We were greeted by a group of performers who performed the Selamat Datang dance. Then, the host, Saliza introduced us to various aspects of the Malay culture such as dance, musical instruments, daily props and utensils of the Malays as well as costumes. The show ended when all the students had to take part in the Joget. Quite funny ah they all. But they were very sporting. Couldnt get much photos coz I was attending to a girl who got giddy in the middle of the show.

After that, we went into the museum. I was disappointed by it. It was because there was not much to see. Where are all our ancient artifacts?? Where are all the royal letters?? Hmmmm....I know where they are. They are in other places except here. They are all in universities overseas for the Westerners to study. This really disappoint me further. Where are all our people? Shouldn't we be the one studying about us? About our past? About our ancestors? Yes, there are a few......A TEENY WEENY FEW.

ANother disappointment was, the whole thing was conducted in English when all the people present were all Malays. That is so contradicting. Here U built this place to introduce Malay culture to people, to ensure that Malay culture wun extinct just like that....but the basic MALAY LANGUAGE was not even used. Yes, I understand that this place is meant for tourists. But hey...pls be flexible. If U see the whole room full of Malays, then converse in Malay lah. Its embarrassing u know to see this contradiction.

How are the Malays gonna move up when we ourselves are not proud of becoming one. How are the Malays going to remain when its language is not even spoken. Here....I ponder....

All By Myself.....

Listening to Mariah Carey's song right now. Feeling slightly shitty. Guess its that time of the month again. Its been a few days already. But yesterday it was slightly heightened due to sum reason. Today it exclamated again.

Yesterday my family and I went to see the apartment again. Initially, I was excited over it. But later, the excitement died down. Maybe after the comment that was made. Some people just dun understand others need of privacy and space I guess. But I had to pretend things were ok. As usual.

Manage to release the tense feeling by catching a late night movie at Orchard Cineplex. Watched Skeleton Key. It was a very good movie with a very good twist. WOuld recommend my students to watch it. (I showed them the short video of THE UNKNOWN and now some of them are good at writing stories with twist in their composition.) After the movie, it was raining heavily. We were stuck there for quite some time. When it started to drizzle, we rode off. Reached home at 3plus so I ate something before I slept. I couldn't sleep that well coz the afternoon incident kept playing in my head.

Woke up in the morning with quite a better feeling. But it got spoilt again. No...not because I want to have a haircut and I couldn't. But because someone just luv to say how I am nothing but a burden. Had to live with that for years. I dun need another person to add on to the pain. Yupz....those words always hurt me. Even though sumtime I tried to be OK with it, it still hurts. Call me sensitive but I've been thru much pain and sufferings and torture that caused me to be this way. So UNDERSTANDING is the word-of-the-day here. With my mood swing, it will sure help.

My parents and bro went out already. Guess they are breaking fast outside. My sisters are going out later too. Guess I will be all alone at home. Mum's not cooking. Not much food at home. No mood to go out. Guess I will just have milk or Milo to break my fast.

This will be my first time breaking fast alone I guess. Gotta get use to it. Maybe there'll be a lot more to come.

**Updated: Guess I'll just go out to break fast...**

I have enough.....

Yesterday, Izoned and I went to have supper at Kopitiam after he had finished some of his marking. He deserved the Beef Steak there (though its a bit tough). Izoned informed me about sumthing which caused me to be pissed off. Nah..its not him. Its this group of people which I have been quite unhappy with for quite sum time but I just kept quiet coz I couldnt be bothered.

I just cant understand these people. They know how to complain, compare here and there, criticise others but never look at themselves. Another thing, me and Izoned are surely being taken advantage of. Of course we are sincere at helping but to see them not making use of the platform we have provided made us very unhappy. Hey! U cant possibly just depend 100% on us to do these things. These things belong to you all too. So why cant U all just contribute?!

Why do Us dun feel a sense of belonging? Becoz WE are not being involved in decision making. We are not informed of current events and issues. WE are always blamed at! Hey! We have werk to do...and I am sure U all are. But dat doesnt mean we dun want to know what is happening there.

Really...I just realised the pattern. We will only feel belonged wen we are present. Wen we are not, U diss us!! We still wanna know...we still wanna feel belonged. And why do me and Izoned set up all the platforms for?? FOR U ALL to CONTRIBUTE!!

For those who are reading this and feel that it is targeted at them...MAYBE it is. What I can say is......NOW U ALL know!

FINALLY!!

Finally I've finished marking my exam scripts. Phew!! Right now...just trying to update my blog coz been bz lately to do so. Since Thurs, I've been bz with marking and going up n down to view resale apartments. Right now, our best choice is the 11th storey apartment. Today, we are going viewing again. Hope there'll be more choices.

Very very tired. I can go back home and sleep well now...heheh. But then, still need to think about the Malay Language Camp in November. Yah! Still need to come out with some more games and liaise with certain people.

Had feedback session with my 1E, 2N, 3T and 3E already. Still have 2E, 2T and 3N which I dun think will meet them. The feedback from them are very good. Some like my teaching, some dun. At least I know what to improve on. Most of them like my class and hope that I can teach them again. The big classes said that my voice too soft for them to hear. That I know I have to improve on.

Well, hope to gather more feedback. K I am going back home oredi. Kinda tired sitting all day in my cubicle.

2nd day of Marking Day

Woke up with a funny feeling. Went to school slightly late. I realised that I am developing a sore left eye. Shoot!! Izoned is also developing one. Nooooo..not during this time!!!

Marked a few more scripts but my eye really irritates me. Mis and I went to AVA to do marking while invigilating some students. Nuraini joined later. We discussed about a lot of things and only got back up at 3 plus.

I was scared to go home. Coz yesterday there was a man who followed me home. He pretended that he got the wrong person but the way he behaved was really suspicious. I called my brother down the block to pick me up while that man still lingered around my block. I was really terrified coz I saw him fidgeting around inside his pouch pocket. I will be more wary nowadays when I go home.

Still have many more scripts to mark..but at least there's not much tension because I am only returning Paper 2 tomorro. Paper 1 will be returned next week.

Just now my aunt called. She said the apartment that we want they jack up to $380k!!! Wahlau!! How could they?!! Their apartment is only located at the 3rd level. And its evaluation is $350k. So me and Izoned scrapped the whole idea of buying that apartment. Our second choice is actually better in terms of location but he doesn't like the master bedroom. And I dun like the neighbours coz they are very messy. They hang clothes on the staircase rail and put potted plants along the corridor. Nowadays where can put potted plants....dengue potential. Oh ya...and everytime the lift open, we will be greeting by dog barking. My fear of dogs is sure not helping. What if I want to go inside the lift and the dog also going in?? I WOULD SCREAM!!! But the apartment is ok....We'll see how...still got some more apartments to see.

Oh gosh..my eyes are really very itchy now (yup..now it is affecting 2 eyes!!!)

Better go and rest my eyes for a while. Wanna do marking also cant coz my eyes are really itchy.

Marking....more marking

Still marking my Sec 1E Section A coz yesterday I was not woken up. Right now marking the last class. After that, I will proceed with marking their Section B.
Later will have to meet my HOD for the EPMS evaluation. Hope everything goes well.

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit down. There's dis deep feeling of disappointment towards 2 of my students. Its like...Ive done so much for them but they have this blasé attitude about their studies and even exam. One came late for papers, another just dun come at all. Then, dun even have the initiative to approach teachers about the re-exam. I am like sooooo worried about them......they just dun bother.

I cried wen my student said...My future is mine to determined..urs is already determined. It broke my heart. Ive been thru hard times during my school days and I so want to help them so that they can study with ease. But if this is the kind of attitude he wants to show...then I guess I just let him be. Nope...I am not giving up just yet. But maybe I should just concentrate on those who need my help.

Right now........just need to complete my marking.

Exam paper marking

I am marking 1E (Paper 1 & 2), 2E (Paper 1 & 2) and 3N (Paper 1). Finished marking paper 2....used my Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Now left with Paper 1..Essays! Sumthing that I dun like to mark...but I have to. Will start on 3N first coz that's the least number of quantity. 1E has 47 students while 2E has 37.

Last Saturday, me and Izoned went house-hunting for resale flats. It was very tiring! We really luved this one flat at Senja Road. Wanna buy it!!! Had a mini catfight with my cuzzin over it. Hehehe...Really luv the house...it's so me and Izoned. Modern, minimalist....Hope can close the deal at an appropriate price.

After that went to break fast at my aunt's place at Petir. Had a great deal to eat. Went off early coz me and Izoned went to BPP to buy stuff.

Now resting from all the marking........urgh! My back is breaking!!

GEYLANG...

Went to Geylang to lookaround. Fetched my sis first at ShangriLa. Den off we went on Abang Mail's new Picanto to Geylang. Nothing much there. Nothing to shop also. Maybe for me would be the accessories. Other than that, we can only shop for food.

Bought Kuih Pulau Pinang, Vadeh n Dengdeng.

Later went to BP Bazaar and bought green Katira.

Mum cooked Nasi Lemak...yummy!!

So tired!

Today is really soooooooo tiring. With invigilations, completing EPMS (my fingers are so sore from typing), sourcing out for Malay Language Camp, house hunting and many more. Felt so feverish today too.

Went back home around 2plus. Had a huge headache. Break fast at Andy's place. As usual lah....during the fasting month, my mum always will make things difficult for me. So the only way to appease her is just to butt out.

Have finished my EPMS...dunno whether ok or not. Hopefully it will be.

I am so mentally, emotionally and physically tired. Better rest before the Malay paper coz by that time I need to start marking. Due date is 11th...die...only few days of marking. Should suggest language papers to be on the 1st day of exam.

Feeling so werked up

Been feeling like this for quite some time. The stress from school and my personal life is really overwhelming.

I had to organise a Malay Language Day Camp for the Sec 3 Malay students this year. It is like soooooooooooo last minute. Then, had to assist Mislimah in planning for post exam activities for the Sec 1s. Another last minute thingy. And also have my EPMS to complete and submit on Friday. So many last minute stuff......so hate it!

In addition, have to think about my wedding preparations n stuff. Yesterday Izoned family came over. They discussed about the wedding. Me and Izoned are planning just to go thru the solemnization process. If we wanna go thru the wedding reception it will be next year. Both our sides know abt that. BUT...I dunno why someone must make my life difficult. Another stressful thingy.....

Its really very overwhelming.....Izoned is very supportive despite his own stressful life. I really dunno how to handle all these without him.

I hope I will gain strength to overcome all these obstacles.

Sunday

In my room with a bunch of my cuzzins. Waiting for Andy side to come over my place. Need to confirm marriage stuff. Yupz....getting married soon. Somewhere in December. Insya Allah. Right now, the stress of it all is killing me. Have to think about many2 stuff. Den, have to think about school stuff also. SO stressful. Just hope that everything will go smoothly.

Yesterday was the launching of Hijrah, Junied's album. They are the Nasyid group from Madrasah Aljunied Al-Islamiah. Me and Izoned were somewhat involved coz Izoned was the designer for the album cover. It was such a last minute thingy but he managed to finish it on time. There were some glitches though. We didnt know that we need to specify what font types, colours and measurements we are using. So the printing company had a difficult time settling all that. Usually, we didnt need to fo all that. Well, just take it as a learning point for both of us. There were also some other errors which could be prevented if we both were not so tired to check and recheck. Another learning point, must make sure more than 2 people check the final product to prevent these errors. Maybe it was too short a time too. Well, maybe next time better not do last minute work.

Overall I was proud of Izoned still. Despite time constraint and his tight schedule, he managed to find time to complete this assignment. He was also down with fever and cold last Monday which he had to be on MC. Den...he went to school on Wednesday despite not sleeping for more than 24hrs. Can see that he is putting his best despite all the difficulties. COngrats dear! I am so proud of you! I hope that one day, people will appreciate the gift u have.

After visiting Madrasah Aljunied, we went back home to get ready to go to Salam Lebaran at Mediacorp. Overall the show was ok. The hosts were Suhaimi and Rilla Melati. Ezlyn was the guest host. There were also Hazrulnizam, Hetty Sarlene, Syed Azmir, Fauzy, Khairul n Khairil (yes yes...the 4 guys from Anugerah), Aaron Aziz and many more. The theme was familyhood.

But highest gratitude should be given to Ahmad Stokin and Mahadi Syor for entertaining us while the others were getting ready. We laughed at their hilarious jokes till we cried. Me and Andy got so tired of laughing...heheheh. They still have IT.

After that there was reception which I could take the opportunity to take photos with the artistes but was too tired to. So we just ended up taking each other photos...so silly. KHakhakhakhakh.


Upon reaching home, we both just went flat.

Ok...20 more minutes to their arrival....hope everything will go ok.

3 am..........

A lot in my head.....cant sleep.........