2nd trip to the doc

Today was my 2nd follow up appointment with Dr Goh. I was nervous to receive what news she had for me. Had my usual blood test and this time, I suddenly felt the pain. Maybe after being inserted with needles for numerous times at the same place at least once a week, my mental strength depleted. I wanted to cry as suddenly I felt so weak...so vulnerable.

Went to see Dr Goh. She said that my molar pregnancy is a complete mole. That means the tissue that was meant to develop into placenta has developed massively into something like a tumour. There was no fetal development. She added that it may not be cancerous. I was delighted for a while.

Then she killed my joy by saying that however in the future, this thing may come back and be cancerous and that is when I should get treatment. So now, my blood has to be taken every week until it reaches 0. After that it will be once a month.

I told her I was still bleeding and sometimes I may have abdominal pain. She gave me 2 antibiotics and hormone pills which after 21 days will coz my menses to be regulated back.

Just now, what the doctor said finally sank in. The word CANCER kept lingering in my head. It has always been associated with PROLONGED MISERY or DEATH. Somehow, that scares me. Yes, this disease is a type of curable cancer. But when hearing that it may come back again to haunt me...made me so vulnerable and I was sad.

I should be grateful that now I am getting well as the doctor said that my bHCG is going down but I don't know why fear is instilled in me.

Ya Allah, if all these tests you give upon me can get me a place in your Heaven, I willingly accept all of them and I will turn to you for guidance and strength. I know I am just your humble servant who doesn't deserve a place in your Heaven but I sure cannot endure the pain of the tortures in Hell. Please give me strength and guide me along this path to righteousness. Amin.

News about him

Tuesday May 15, 4:17 PM

PE student-teacher killed in Johor camping accident

A 27 year old Physical Education student teacher has died in a camping accident at Mount Ophir in Johor.

Mohammad Rohaizam Bin Tumadi, a first-year Postgraduate Diploma student teacher at the NIE died from injuries received when a tree fell on him during an early morning downpour today.

He was given first-aid at the camp site and at first light, was taken down Mount Ophir to emergency services which had been activated.

Mohammad Rohaizam was taken to Tangkak Hospital in Johor where he was pronounced dead.

The accident happened just one day before the end of the Outdoor Experiential Camp, a compulsory seven-day module for all first-year Physical Education student teachers enrolled in NIE’s teacher preparation programmes.

The camp is to introduce PE student teachers to Outdoor Education as a teaching tool.

There were 65 participants in the group at Mount Ophir which was one of three training camps. - CNA/sf

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/070515/5/singapore276283.html

Panic Moment

I was quite worried for a few days already as my bleeding is getting more and more. Today, I got panic when my left lower abdomen was in pain and the bleeding just got more and more. Called hubby instantly but he didnt answer as he was in a meeting. I smsed 999 to him and he called me after 5 mins. Told him wat happened and he went back home asap.

Initially tot of going to A&E KKH straight away but I tot we should just go to nearby clinic instead. Doc wrote me a letter in case I need to go A&E before my 17th May appt. He told me of all the possibilities. Either I am having my menses...or the increase bleeding is due to dissolving of blood clots...or...there are still some tissues left on my uterus wall which may need to be removed again. I just hope that its nothing serious as I sure do not want to go thru the traumatic experience again.

I didnt realise that much how traumatic dis experience was to me until i noticed that I cried very easily nowadays...and kept having bad nightmares which I would wake up and cry. I become more sensitive too.

I thank God for giving me an understanding and patient hubby to take good care of me. If not, I dunno wat may happen to me.

I hope that on the 17th May, I will receive good news from doc SL Goh.

Mother's Day is comiiiiiiiiiiiing!!

Mother's Day is coming...last year...the whole family on my mum side celebrated it at Furama Hotel. Dis year, since our nenek hinted that it has been a long time she has gone to the beach, we decided to hold a bbq at the beach!

Initially tot of renting a chalet at Loyang but then as usual..full house! So we just have it at East Coast instead. Catering food from BIL's mum. And as usual, the children will give presents for their beloved mums. Last year...and every gift giving days...me and my siblings always bought her vouchers coz she can be very fussy. So giving voucher was the safest thing to do. However this year, we thought of taking the risk and buy sumthing else (every year give voucher also boring right).

So dis year, I tot of buying her brooch n sumthing else...coz I was browsing some Multiply sites. However, to my dismay, the brooch was not wat I expected it to be. For $77, I expect someting more but it was such a disappointment...so me n my siblings will be buying for her something new. Already got another seller from my fellow Multipliers' recommendation. We will also be getting our mum a spa voucher coz we think she desperately need the break from taking care of the grandchildren.

We really hope that our mum will like the gifts we got for her. It's not easy to please her ok...but we try. I cant wait for this Saturday!!!

Its as if my life has been taken away from me

On Wed, I got slight spotting...but it was only once and I didnt get it anymore. Asked Dr Cordelia and she demanded me to come down for check up straight away. When she scanned me, I was welcomed with bad news. She couldnt see the baby. She just saw some placenta. She suspected it to be molar pregnancy or GTD.

I was referred to KK and was admitted yesternight. Just finished my scan just now and doc just took my blood.

K people....the worst have happened. I am going to have to clear out my baby this afternoon. Doc just informed me just now.

Right now, there's mixed feeling. Fear, sad....everything!! I feel so empty now...as if wat I had been waiting for is going to be taken away from me. It is being taken away from me.

Fellow frens, pray for me that this procedure will go well. I am sad...of course...devastated..that's the word. But I guess right now, I have to think of my health. Pray for me people.

Ya Allah, lindungilah hambaMu ini. Berikanlah ketabahan kepadaku yang tak berdaya ini...sesungguhnya aku hanya hambaMu yang lemah.