Applying for a house

Me and him got to know that Bukit Panjang area is open for walk in. We wanted to get the Senja Grand. There were 6 units available yesterday. So yesterday, we went and surveyed the place. I was very satisfied with the surroundings there. Very homely. Tot of getting a flat there.

However, today, I checked the availability of the units there. To my disappointment, there was only 1 unit left. And our turn will only be on Thursday. I think by that time....all the apartments offered will be sold out. Sigh. Not fated I guess. Really like the environment there though.

SO if we can't get it, I guess we have to go thru the balloting thingy lah. Hope we will get our dream house soon.

Plan

Just got back from oral exam. Had to be the OE2. Today was not bad. But we ended later than usual. Met Afiq, Abang Azmi's son. He had oral too but he's taking the N level Malay...not Basic Malay. LUCKY ME!

Very lethargic....going thry n fro is really taxing. Later we will be having dinner together. Meanwhile....I could use a short nap.

Yesterday we informed his mum abt our plan to get married this December. Dunno wat's her reply. We plan to go thru the solemnization first before the reception. Reception would be held only next year in March most probably. Told Yasmine, None, Ricky n Ain just now. They were thrilled. Sophia was also thrilled. She said finally we are getting married. After 8 long years of being together....after 3 long years of getting engaged. I hope this plan will work. Furthermore, we need to buy a house this year as next year it will be much more expensive.

Planning to buy a 5 room resale flat somewhere in Bukit Panjang. Will be asking my aunt to find a suitable one for us. We'll see how.

Ok..I really need to take a nap...will wait for my dearie to wake me up...till next time

8th Year Anniversary Celebration

Went out to celebrate our belated-yet-much-deserved 8th year anniversary. Had dinner at Secret Recipe at Plaza Singapura. He had Lamb Stew..and I had Grilled Seabass. The food was really delicious. The mushroom soup was too. So were the drinks we had. After that, we had another delicious item which was the dessert. Marble Swiss Cheesecake...YUMMYLICIOUS!!!

After that we went window shopping at Plaza Singapura. Met Izan n Elfian there too.

It was a simple celebration but it was really much deserved after what had happened to us. I want so much to move on and I think today will mark the day when I can. DId 2 things to show him that I am moving on. If before I feel icky about going places that he brought her...angry..or even despise the place....now not anymore. I told myself that me and him shared so many beautiful memories at these places...for 8 long years....I sure dun want that biatch to spoil it all. These places belong to US! And the memories will be ours foreva. I did ask him though if he was OK going to these places...he said ya. Coz he said he didn't feel anything anymore. GOOD!!

After the whole thing, we got super determined to be together foreva. We planned to get married at the end of this year. Maybe just solemnization 1st...the wedding reception will be held next year instead.

Can't wait to really be together. Can't wait to wake up in the morning with him by my side...see his face n smile...get a huge hug everytime. Can't wait to always be by each others' side. Sharing hopes n dreams together...building them together. Can't wait to have lotz of babies too!! Heheheheheh

It's the time of the month agaiN!

It's that time of the month again!! SO I really need to lash it out to someone...here it goes.......


BITCH!!!

We Will Be Strong!

She wrote something on my tagboard. It was hurtful. Not because of she wanting to spite me and all...but more because I was disappointed at how shé was able to hurt him. How could she do that?! Claiming that she luvs him and that he's the one for her n stuff....but yet ending up trying to hurt him. Embarassing him.

Is that what u call luv? Bullshit!

I was so sad that she even lied saying tt he made promises to her. U can lie to others...but u can't lie to urself.

I dunno why I wasn't angry. I was just hurt coz she hurt him. I couldn't believe that the person who claim that she luvs him decided to hurt him instead.

He's more determined than eva that what happened with him and her was a mistake. And that she's not the one he wants to be with after all. He wouldn't want to be with a gerl like that.

LOVE?!! U luv her? SHe luvs u? BULLSHIT!!

Luv is not just professing it when u both are together and happy. Luv should mean that no matter wat...even wen u r not meant to be with each other...u would wish for the person's happiness. Not trying to put the person down.

Dun think I have not been in ur position coz I have. And I luv that person with all my heart only to have my heart broken. He even made promises to me that he wanna see us getting married and that he'll be happier marrying me. But then he chose the other gerl. Instead of trying to put him down like u did....I let him go. Though it hurts....I let him go and wish for his happiness...and not even bother to spite him or his gerl. I luv him....I still do....but life has to move on. ANd I am happy to see him happy. I can still face him and smile after what he had done. I can still talk to him without hurting his feelings. Somehow...wat happened made me strong.

When this happened to u and him....of course I was angry and hurt and felt betrayed. Who doesn't?! I even doubted that the chance I gave would be worth it all. But after yesterday....after what u have done....I think I am more determined than ever to make this werk as much as he wants it too. ANd together...we will built up the pieces....even though it may take years. And if our relationship would ever have to face the test of time again...we will go thru it all together. Coz we know...that these tests would only make us stronger. I more determined than ever than he will take very good care of me and luv me and support me. And I will do the same.

So....what u said yesterday didn't destroy my faith in him. What u said yesterday make me more determined that u dun luv him as much as I do or u dun even luv him at all....and he dun luv u at all too. And because of that...I am willing to open myself up to him once more. And that wateva happens....we will be there for each other. And we also have God to guide us thru.

So u lose...then lose with pride. Dun put others down coz when u do...others look down on u. When u point one finger to others....4 other fingers point at u. So stop pointing fingers and move on!!! Coz me and him will!! And we will be stronger than ever!!

Stronger...tougher...yet still confused

It has been 5 days now since the disaster. Somehow...going to school manage to distract me from all the woes and pain. CHasing students...laughing with them...somehow manage to suppress my deepest sorrow.

It has been 8 years and 5 days. To me...the 8 long years seems to give no meaning at all. Everything has to start from scratch. Words of luv once professed...becomes meaningless now. Healing a hurting heart is so time consuming and my energy has almost run out. I am so lucky to be blessed with quite a strong heart coz despite what happened...I can still face him without wanting to just lash it out. I can still smile and laugh with him even though deep inside me...I am crying. I can still accept him...even though my heart is rejecting him at the moment.

The fact that he gave me the BEST anniversary gift...hurts me a lot! Talked to my fren...she was amazed how I can get by...how I can be strong despite what had been done upon me. I guess its because of the years of pain and torture...that has caused my heart and myself to be stronger and tougher when facing tests after tests in life.

I thank God for it coz without these tests, I may just wanna give up upon hearing the news. I might just wanna end my life....or someone's...if I am not strong enough.

Am still in pain...who wun...be now...at least....I can hide that pain and sorrow.Still confused...but I can still go on with life.

Depressed

In school...listening to HazrulNizam's Kaulah Segalanya. A true sentimental song...which has been my favourite since the beginning. But now...the song is not only my favourite...my it somehow has something to do with what I am going thru now.

A few people asked me whether I am ok or not. Of course not. And while trying to explain the situation..I cried in the staff room. The pain is just so unbearable that I need to let it all out.

How hard I want to accept the things that had happened...it's still difficult. Right now...I am in such a confusion.

One side of me wants me to hate and be angry...another just wants love and support from the same person who had broke my heart into pieces.

Why? Despite all the hurt and pain...why do I still forgive him? Why do I still accept him? Why? I am so confused.

LOVE...it has lost its meaning. ANd just went I am opening my heart back...things happened and I find it hard to even say the word.

Felt so betrayed that I couldn't trust anymore...that I couldn't love anymore. Or am I?

My frens said that the reason why I didn't leave is becoz I still love. Is it?

I am feeling so depressed...

How I wish I could just fly into the sky...fly so high. FLy far, far away and never return to the place which destroys me.

But...can I?

A Broken Heart...A Shattered Dream

Like the glass window
Enduring the sweltering heat
Bearing the numbing cold
I went through it all
But then U came and smashed it all

What's left is just
A Broken Heart
A Shattered Dream

Like a nightmare haunting the mind
Even when I wake up from it
The pain will haunt me foreva
Even though forgiveness exists

Betrayal
Hurt
A Broken Heart
A Shattered Dream

Will U be able to pick up the pieces?
And put them all back together?
Will U be able to heal a broken heart?
And mend a shattered dream?

-Rienaz Ali, 11th July 2005-

Treasure the ones u love...

A lot of things happened in just a short time. Although these things doesn't affect me directly, I am disturbed.

Just 1 month back, Andy's granduncle passed away because of heart attack. Few days later, his dad was warded in the hospital due to heart attack to. And now...a few weeks later, we got to know that his uncle was also warded in the hospital coz of a stroke. It was on Thursday that we went to visit him in the ICU. He was in a very bad state. Relatives said his organs were mostly disfunctional and that blood was coming out of his mouth as if it was too poisonous for the body. Four days back...he had suffered from a high fever which didn't subside. However, he just went to a private doctor. Four days later, he collapsed in his son's arms.

When we visited him...his body was injected with lots of tubes...he couldn't recognise people anymore. It was such a sad state. When we came into the ICU, we smell blood. His mouth was filled with dried blood and I felt sorry for him. Doctors suspected that he had suffered from the effects of dengue fever. They had to run lots of tests as they didn't know what was the cause.

Yesterday, 080705, he passed away. His body is still now in GH for post mortem. I hope his family will be strong. I hope Andy will be strong. It affected me a bit somehow coz yesterday...I cried in the staff room. And I was also a little off while teaching.

This morning when I woke up, my mum informed me that my cuzzin's sister-in-law just passed away. Another sad news.

These news show that we must treasure our loved ones coz we may never know when will they be gone. U may live healthily today...u may suddenly be gone tomorrow. Coz wateva it is...life is still in God's hands.

New Skin...

Hahahah....I came across a new blog skin...happened to be my favourite one coz I lurve Anna Sui...and am now having this perfume...so I decided to change my blog skin.

Added a cool song composed by one of our local musician..Dzul Rabull Jalil.

Now..it's somewhat ready!!

What do ya all think??

Meetups

Just came back from Lau Pa Sat. Had a meeting with my ERA members. Glad to see that finally we want to do sumthing about our dance group so that we can be as successful as other dance groups. Not that we are not....it's just that...there's not much exposure about us...as compared to Sri Wana and Sri Warisan.

The whole meeting was a fruitful one. Will be having a second meeting on the 11th July 2005 (MY 8th YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH ANDY...sob sob)...

Really hope that our dance group will start to rise up after the reshuffling of the committee n stuff. With dedicated members...I am sure we will.

Ok...need to check my e-mails and mark my students' work now....adios!